You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
