just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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