I must be too annoying 4 u.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
