god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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