they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
