The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
