Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize