Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
