That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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