"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
