Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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