was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
