Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
