I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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