Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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