i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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