im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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