And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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