If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
