You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize