i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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