Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
