my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize