Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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