If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
