And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
