Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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