I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
