My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
