two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
