Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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