zippers are such a cool invention
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Alive.
So much puke
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
