Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So drunk its hurt
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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