PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
