so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
