You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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