can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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