i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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