The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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