If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
