i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
