Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
