im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I want her autograph on my taint
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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