I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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