i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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