I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
