Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
