i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
