no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
