you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
