Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
