I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
