She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
