Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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