yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
