That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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