ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
