So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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