if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
