I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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