You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
