Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
