Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
