Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
