my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
