we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Is it because I queefed?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She has the best kind of daddy issues
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize